Chloie

Chloie has become quite the chatter box as of late. And has bee spouting the most random things. 

Some e of my favorite things she says have been: 

"I haven't seen this in TWENTY years!!!" - while cleaning her room. 

"I'm six years old, mom! I'm not a child" - whenever I ask her to do something. 

"I don't know how to make bodies! My mom made us" referring to building a Lego robot. 

"You're the most beautiful, and beautifullest, beautifuller mommy ever" when I tell her she's beautiful. :) 

She is the funniest little girl. 

I really enjoy being with her all day everyday and being able to watch her become a "person".  

Be the good

Being a mommy is hard work. 

Whether you are a working mom or a stay-at-home mom. (I've done both)

IT IS DIFFICULT. 

And to be a mom now days is especially hard. 

Because we make it hard on eachother. 

Maybe it's just my size and my youthful appearance, but I get A TON of unsolicited "advice". 

Anyone else experience this? 

I generally have at least three kids with me everywhere I go and (almost) without fail someone stops me to offer a word of advice. Or to tell me I'm tooyoung to have Sooo many kids. Or my personal favorite the "your child wouldn't behave that way if you didn't/weren't (insert something condescending here)"

It's a wonderfully opinionated world we live it, isn't it?

I even had a man refuse to open a door for me while I was holding my 40lb special needs neice, dragging my (kicking and screaming) two year old, and pleading with my three year old to keep up. After which he said "if you put the big one down and let her walk your life might be easier" to which I replied "if she could walk on her own I wouldn't being carrying her". 

So, why is it that when we see someone struggling we offer up judgment instead of a helping hand?

Do we honestly think we know more/better than everyone else?

What I am getting at here is  next time you see someone in need (whether they're struggling with an ornery child or just have their hands full) offer up a helping hand, or a KIND word. 

Be the good in someone's day. 

Put yourself in someone else's situation and treat them how you would want to be treated. 

Miss Evelynne

It's the middle of the night. Evelynne is snuggled up on my chest asleep. 

In just a few hours she will be two years old - though she's been acting two for months now ;) 

 

::Birthday letter:: 

Dear sweet Evelynne, 

In the morning you will be two!! 

I cannot believe just how quickly you have gone from being placed on my chest -just moments old- to being a talkative, outgoing, independent (almost) two year old.

I love watching you explore, create, and play. 

Hearing new words come out of your mouth has become a daily thing and each time I am more and more amazed at how quickly you pick things up. 

You already have such a funny personality and have developed a quit wit and silly sense of humor. 

You are very attached to your mommy. You spend most of the day making sure I am within reach and you make it very clear when I has strayed too far for your liking. :) 

You are the sweetest little love (most days) you hug and kiss everyone. You randomly come snuggle and kiss me during the day and tell me you love me at least 20 times a day. 

But just cause you are tiny and sweet doesn't mean you don't stand up for yourself and, BOY, do You have a temper when things don't go your way.. ;)

I'm a little sad that age one has come and gone so quickly but I am excited to see what changes come out way during this next year of your life. 

Happy birthday, my sweet baby. 

I love you to the moon! 

-mommy 

Reality.

Can I be real for a minute? Is that okay to do? 

Most of the "being a mommy" articles I've read lately talk about how wonderful being a parent is and how every moment is amazing. 

I don't know about anyone else but I feel like these articles are there to make me feel like I'm not doing enough. The pictures that go along with them are these perfect spotless homes, perfectly dresses kids, stylish moms with flawless hair and makeup... If only that were my reality. 

I get that motherhood is a blessing and kids are tiny miracles but sometimes those tiny miracles make me wanna rip out my hair. 

If you came to my house right now you would find toys everywhere, sipping cups soaking in the sink, crayon artwork on most of my walls and piles of laundry in each of our bedrooms. 

I am a neat freak. I LOVE LOVE LOVE when my house is spotless and smells like Lysol.

 BUT the reality of having 3 to 4 kids daily under 4 with 2 in 2 separate preschools is that my house is rarely clean. 

And the majority of the time I'm too exhausted to clean so I just sit in the midst of the mess trying my best not to cry, or scream. 

Being a mom raising two kids and watching other kids full time is overwhelming at times. 

YES,  it's a joyous, wonderful, meaningful  blessing I've been given just being a mom. 

And YES, I am lucky enough to be able to help with my neice and nephew as well as stay home to raise my own kids. 

But good gosh it is hard. 

I don't get days off, date nights are few and far between (finding a babysitter when you are seen as the babysitter is next to impossible), And I can't even remember the last time I slept through the night. 

Not everyday is wonderful. 

Somedays are down right dreadful. 

I guess what I am getting at is motherhood isn't picture perfect all the time, there are moments and those little moments of joy are what carry us through the rest of it. 

I just wish that magazines and Pinterest would just stop making it look like life as a mom is perfect. 

It is wonderful and amazing. 

But rarely is it perfect. 

Change

I knew that a change in my attitude would result in a change in my kids attitudes and my nieces too. 

I knew that positivity is contagious. 

But I never imagined the change it would make in my marriage. In my husband, to be specific. 

Now I'm not talking about a huge, mind blowing type change I'm talking about a change in the little things. 

Helping me with chores without me asking for help, giving me time alone after the kids go to bed (which is so needed when your life revolves around others), he even opened the car door for me the other day. Which on its own is a small miracle. (He has not done that since before our wedding. 5years ago) 

The way he talks to me has changed and the way he looks at me has changed. 

It is amazing how a change i made for myself has effected everyone around me. 

I have not felt better about myself, my life, and my marriage before. 

And it not like something drastic had to change. 

I chose to be happy.

 I chose to be positive. 

I chose to be a better person. 

It was that simple. :)

Positivity

"Positive thoughts generate positive feelings and attract positive life experiences."

My life can be a bit stressful. And a bit depressing. 

I'm alone a LOT with 2 to 4 kids under the age 4. 

And while I'm never actually alone I feel lonely quite often. 

Last year there were a few days where negative thinking got the best of me. 

And I've chosen to do things differently this year (school year). 

Positivity is contagious. 

I have found over the last few weeks that if I wake up with a positive attitude my kids "catch" it. Then when I act positively towards my niece Gwenny (instead of being half asleep and rather indifferent like I have done in the past) when I get her out of her car each morning she reacts positively. Which in turn makes my day a whole lot easier. 

Positive reassurance is also helpful around my house... For some reason everytime I try to go to the bathroom or get a drink I have a herd of children chasing me, screaming and crying because for some reason (even my kids)  think I'm leaving them. 

So we say lots of "I love you"'s "I'm right here" "I'm not leaving" and "you can come too"'s 

Seems to help with the group emotional breakdowns. 

--

Today when I dropped Gwenny off with my mother in law she (Gwen) did not want me to leave her. I was holding her and as soon as we walked in the house she squeezed my arm tight and started pointing to me (her way of saying she wants to stay with you) and waving "bye bye" to grandma. Which is very unusual (She LOVES her grandma!). But honestly, I loved it. 

I love that I have been able to develop such a great relationship with her and that she has grown kind of attached to me. 

It's amazing how a positive action like that from a child can make you feel so loved! 

 --

Lately at the end of our busy days (or in the morning while kids eat breakfast when ben is home) I do a quick yoga session to help relax and center myself. 

Seriously, it has helped a ton! 

My attitude has changed, the way I talk to my husband and children has changed, and the way I feel about myself is changing. 

Positive thoughts and actions create a positive atmosphere. 

Try a little harder - To be a little better

Today was interesting.

I found myself frustrated by my 3 year olds frustrations. 

Funny how that works, huh? 

The harder she tries to tell me what she needs or how she feels the harder it becomes to understand her. 

The simplest miscommunications between us can cause chaos. 

Tempertantrums. 

Tears. 

Feet stomping. 

The whole nine-yards. 

Things that seem meaningless to me, in my hurry to get from point A to point B. 

Are things that can easily ruin my child's day. 

From grabbing the "wrong" box of Popsicles. 

To giving her pjs that she just doesn't want to wear. 

Frustrations seem to be everywhere. 

What really got to me today was a melt down over something important. 

You see, baby gave me a kiss then I turned away to finish my chore. 

Suddenly Chloie was screaming. 

Bright red face and crocodile tears.

And because I could not even begin to guess what had upset her I started to get upset too. 

Which made it even harder for both of us.  

So. It took me a while to calm her. 

Finally, Between sobs, she said "you didn't give me a kiss too! I need loves too!" 

My heart sunk. 

I don't remember her asking for a kiss. 

And to see her so upset over it... 

Broke my heart. 

How frustrating it must be to be so little and have such big feelings. 

Just another reason for me to try a little harder, to be a little better. 

The "compairing bug"

I've been sick for the last little while. 

..okay.. I've been sick for most of my life. 

But lately it has been getting worse. 

This illness, at times, completely consumes me. 

I call it "the comparing bug" and i would like nothing more then to be rid of it.

But everywhere I look some one has something "better" then I do. 

Their pictures are prettier. 

Their hair is perfect. ALL. THE. TIME.

Their house is - bigger, cleaner, artsier... 

Their voices are amazing. 

Their kids dress like mini models. 

Their husbands are home A LOT. 

They're closer with their family. 

They have countless friends. 

They get to work/ further their education.

They have FREE time...

And I can't seem to stop myself from day dreaming or being bright green with envy. 

What is wrong with me?!

Nothing. The answer is : nothing. 

We all do it. 

It's "normal" 

And therein lies the problem. 

I find that the more time I spend on social media the sicker I get. Because people don't post pictures of dirty dishes piled up in the sink, or laundry covered floors, or messy haired-makeup less-pimple covered-I've had it with being a mom selfies. 

People want compliments and "likes" they want people to think their lives are picture perfect at all times. Because what they are seeing on their feed is YOUR perfect life.  Imagine that. 

I like to think that I don't contribute to this cycle but I most likely do... in one way or another. Or maybe I don't... Maybe I make people feel better about themselves... 

I'll never know. 

Because we don't talk about. 

We all walk around acting perfect. 

Not admitting that we ate ice cream for breakfast, We have OCD (which is the ONLY reason our house is clean), we drank way too much diet coke today, we have not washed our hair in a week... 

Or maybe that's just me...

I think we are all so jealous of other peoples "perfection" that we are all afraid of being judged for not being as perfect. 

I am going to try to spend less time on social media and more time being happy. 

Because i am sick of being sick. 

And the best way to get better is to accept and enjoy all the imperfections surrounding me. 

With that being said... 

I won't judge you for being imperfect. In fact I may just smile, hug you, and invite you over for a dirty diet coke drinkin', still in our pjs, and rocking messy buns while our kids run around half dressed covered in mud kinda play date . ;) 

Cause that is how I roll... 

5 years down :)

June 27th, 2009 I kneeled across an altar in the Salt Lake City LDS temple from a guy who had, with very few words, swept me off my feet and I became "mrs. Ben Andrus". 

Oh how so much can change in 5 short years. 

From being young and in love to being... A little less young and more devoted and more in love than I could have dreamed. 

Those two kids who knelt in that temple could not have begun to imagine where they'd be in 5 years. 

Two babies? No way!

A career change or two? Na! 

Fire academy, boot camp, engineer school all in less then 3 years while juggling jobs and two kids?! Yikes! 

Arguments? Temper tantrums? Potty training? Puppy raising? Selling our first home and buying a second? 

If you had asked me then if I could handle all of this I would have flat out said NO. I had plans. 

Oh, how god laughs when we make plans... 

5 years later. 

Two beautiful, happy, healthy little girls. 

A lovely home.

And a man by my side. who I KNOW, without a shadow of a doubt, will always be there. Supporting his family, loving his wife, & treasuring our kids. 

5 years ago I was in love. 

Today I am head over heels in love, 

With out a doubt in my mind that I chose the right man to love and grow with. 

Happy anniversary Ben! :)

Frozen moments

I don't know about you, but I have about a million pictures between my phone, camera, and computer that I've never shared. 

I capture moments and keep them to myself. 

I am a picture hoarder. 

There I said it. 

First step right?!  ;) 

I am constantly snapping picture of my kids and my (unknowing) husband. 

My phone is overloaded and my dslr's two memory cards... Let's not even go there... 

But lately I feel like my brain is mush. If I don't capture a moment I want to remember forever... I'll forget it in five minutes. 

Mom brain. 

So I've decided in an effort to use (share) all these frozen memories I'm going to start posting them here.  

A few at a time. 

 

Evelynne singing "happy! Happy! Happy!" In the tub. 

 Chloie chasing Evelynne in the backyard "I'm gonna get you, baby!"

Eve loves watching the sunrise snuggled up on mommy's bed. (She is an early riser...) 

Miss Chloie is 3 1/2 and still light enough to toss in the air. Little miss skinny mini.

Chloie watching the sunset through the front door. Love her piggies! :)

My little magnet. 

 Watching a rain storm. Eve kept saying "wow, mom!" 

Aparently we spend a lot of time looking through the front door... But seriously, anytime we get to spend a day or even a half day with daddy the girls are so excited. Ben works a LOT so we soak up every minute we can get and I've got Two little daddy's girls. :) 

That's all for now. 

Thanks for stopping by! 

Check ups!

We had Evelynne's 18 month appointment this week and it was quite the event... 

Now, I'm used to a child who LOVES her doctor. Chloie and Dr Jopling have nice chats and are best buds at her checks up. She cried very little getting her immunizations and was immediately cheered up when they gave her a sticker. 

Evelynne on the other hand HATES going to the doctor. 

The minute we walk into the office she gets clingy.

She cried in the waiting room. 

She cried in the hallway. 

She screamed and clawed my arms when they tried to weigh her.

Then the doctor tried to listen to her heart... 

World ended. 

Then he tried to look in her ears...

Pure torture! 

Then came the vaccinations... 

I've never heard her scream like that. (Mind you this is not the first time she's had her immunizations) 

Then they tried to put bandaids on her owies... 

"No!!!!!!!! Mine ow!!! No!!!!" 

How dare they touch her owie! 

 Then the doctor tried to talk to me about her growth... 

"Nooooo!!! Mine mommy!!! Shhhhhh! Shhhh!!!!" 

So we gave up on talking and he just handed me the charts and said she was healthy. 

Then be said "must have gotten the drama queen gene from her dad's side of the family?"  And we laughed about how much she is my daughter. 

(He was my pediatrician growing up and saw me act pretty much the same way)

After the tragic event I took the girls to get some doughnuts and we sat on the grass outside the little bakery (Daylight Doughnuts) and enjoyed the quite time and our sprinkled doughnuts. 

So called "burdens"

"I don't know how you do it. If my husband left me alone with two kids as much as yours' does I would complain non-stop" 

"I could not handle having two kids so close and watch other people's kids! what a burden for you to bear." 

"You have the patience of a saint! I have never once heard you complain about everything you have to do." 

These are just a few of things I have heard from people over the past year. 

It always catches me off guard when people say these sorts of things. 

For one I am VERY accustomed to being alone with my kids. My husband works hard to provide for us which means I am alone a lot. Sure, it gets hard at times but complaining about it wouldn't do me any good. 

Two, I love LOVE having my kids close together, they are the best of friends already and I don't know any different. And yeah watching other peoples children can be challenging... But I don't see it as a "burden" but rather a blessing. I GET to  spend loads of time with my sweet niece, Gwen, and my ninja turtle obsessed nephew, Oliver. I GET to watch them play with my kids, learn how to interact with eachother, and I get to teach them little things. Each one of the littles running (or hopping in Gwenny case :) ) brings something new to our home, each one has taught me something, and each one has given me so much more then I could have ever imagined. So much more then I could ever give back.

Three- I do not have the patience of any saint. Patience is something I have to work on everyday. I try. I do have my days where my back aches from picking up and putting down kids, my head pounds from all the screaming and noise making, and there are days I think if one more child yells at me for something I might just cry. But once again.. Complaining about it won't fix it. Figuring out why they scream, knowing what they want before they yell for it, and lifting with my legs are things I can do to. ;) Complaining seems pointless. (And if I were to complain I would not complain to random people, just sayin' ;) )

One thing that was talked about at my church today was burdens. How each of us has a load to bear, and not all loads are negative. 

There are burdens and blessings. And I believe that the load I bear is more blessings then burdens. 

I get so much more then I give. 

I would not trade what others see as "my burdens" for anything. 

 

Little voices

There are things we say on a daily basis. 

"Good morning" "hello""goodbye""I love you"...

But when our kids say those same little things in their own little ways in their sweet little voices... You melt. 

Every morning I hear two things, with out fail. 

1- Chloie "THE SKIES AWAKE!!!!" 

2- Evelynne "Hi mom!!! Mom!! Hi!!!" 

We also hear a lot of "NO"'s from Evelynne. 

And at least one "I wake up the baby!!" From Chloie. 

I have two girls who rarely ever stop talking. 

My favorite things to hear from them are:

"Your my most bestest friend, honey" & "You're home!!! I missed you so much!" (To pretty much anyone who comes through the door)

-chloie 

And "I you!" (I love you) & "gickle gickle gickle!" (Tickle tickle tickle) 

-Evelynne 

And we have one song being sung on repeat pretty much everyday.... Bet ya can't guess which song! 

(Let it go -frozen)

 

Now the reason I am talking about things I love hearing my kids say is because today was a rough day. 

Lots of crying, screaming, ornery kiddos... 

But I just put Eve down for bed and she said "night-night ma" for the first time and then chloie curled up in my lap and whispered "I love you, mommy" 

And all the stress of the day just slipped away.

Two very simple things were said and some how they fixed everything. 

Isn't amazing how things that seem so ordinary when you say them can somehow seem so extraordinary when your child says them?? 

❤️ 

Blessed.

So, as most of you know, I have a couple extra kiddos floating around my house pretty much every day.

Oliver and Gwenny have definitely changed my life (for the better). :)

It has been so fun this past year watching Oliver, he is such a goofy little guy. 

He and Eve are usually the best of friends, giving hugs and kisses, and holding hands. They make my heart happy. But while watching ninja turtles Chloie becomes his best bud. They do ninja moves all over and giggle. It's pretty fun to watch.  

I've been watching Gwenny since her mommy started going back to school in January (Go Jen!) and I will have her through the summer semester and for the foreseeable future (possibly until her mom is finished with her schooling). Gwen and Chloie are pretty much inseparable when she is here. Chloie becomes Gwennys "keeper", she helps me calm her down when she's upset, shares her toys, kisses any owies, helps me feed her, helps me get her on the bus for school... Etc. It's been fun to see them bond and to see how much Gwen trusts her (she does not feel the same way with Eve and Oliver, they are a little more unpredictable :) )

 Having two additional littles to care for has not been easy BUT I wouldn't trade them for anything! 

I love seeing all their different personalities: 

Chloie is definitely the ring leader, she is talkative, stubborn, creative, and caring. And, oh man, can she sing! Loudly... For hours.. Haha 

Gwen is a quiet people watcher, though that pointer finger of hers can be awful demanding. (she is non-verbal) but she can be very vocal when she is happy (or upset). And although she almost seems afraid of Eve and Oliver she is so very gentle when they are close to her. 

Oliver is definitely all boy (which is a whole new world for this "girl mom") he Loves Ninja Turtles, in fact "turtles" is pretty much all he says all day. His laugh is contagious. And his tender heart just melts me, He loves to be snuggled when the girls are being "mean" (not sharing or to busy singing to play). And the fact that he hates to be messy/dirty is a breath of fresh air!  :) 

Evelynne is my quiet sneaker. Into everything, climbs anything, and does it all with a smile that could kill! She really could get away with murder with a smile like that. She is also very sweet, kisses for everyone! And the best napper! 

 

I will admit, not everyday is all sunshine and roses,  tantrums and rough days are to be expected with two- three year olds and two- one year olds. But the good days by far out weigh the "bad". 

I am so blessed to be able to be home with my littles and to be able to help with my niece and nephew. 

While somedays I wish I was able to run in and out of the grocery store in five minutes without a cart full of kids saying "hi" to everyone or some one saying "looks like you've got your hands full!"

 On the days where I "get" to leave the house alone I feel... Empty. Like there should be a child on each hip and at least one walking beside me and BOY am I socially awkward when there isn't a three year old talking for me... ;)

I guess what I am trying to say is that I love the life I've been given. 

I am happy. :)

A year ago today

-Sitting in a hospital 

holding the hand of a woman I'd know my entire life. 

Listening to monitors.

Starring at numbers.

Wish and hoping. 

Hugging my mother. 

Sitting with my best friends brother and 

Talking with his wife.

Trying my best to keep it together 

to stand by my friends side,

Because 

Through thick and through thin 

we've always been 

3nights we sat, my mother and I 

Begging her to squeeze our hands 

or bat an eye

Then a phone call from dad set my heart on fire 

My grandpa was sick

His situation seemed dire 

Not wanting him to miss the blessing of my child 

I threw together a simple celebration 

Not two hours before 

I revived a message

"Karen passed away peacefully, surrounded by family" 

I chose not to feel it

No tears would be shed, 

Until after my husband laid his hands on Eve's head 

Quietly I sat 

Hearing the sweet words

A blessing of a life just beginning 

Sitting next to a man whose life would, all too soon, be ending 

Sleep deprived and overwhelmed 

I sat numbly and watched 

Suddenly I felt a sweet presence 

A peaceful happiness 

as I looked at my child 

And I'm sure she was there 

From heaven she came

To be part of this moment 

To ease some of my pain

So much happened in so little of time

Too much to process

Too much to feel 

Holding it back was my way to deal

A whole year later 

And I'm still not sure it was real... -

(Both of these pictures were taken a year ago today)

How lucky am I to have known such an amazing woman? To have her daughter as one of my closest friends? 

I do not think I would be who I am today if I hadn't known the Wilson family. 

Karen was beautiful, inside and out. 

Plus, she raised my best friend. 

Who I honestly could not live without. 

I cannot put into words all of the memories I cherish of Karen. 

I'll remember her always and love her forever. 

❤️

Sleep.

It's 11pm and I'm lying on my couch with chloie asleep on my legs and Evelynne asleep on my lap. 

Today was nothing short of crazy. 

Eve was up til midnight last night and only took a short nap today. Chloie, on the other hand, fell asleep early and woke up early. Then took 2 naps. (Never happens)

My kids are rarely on the same schedule. 

So I am usually running on little to no sleep. 

I am worn out from the tantrums. 

I am worn out from making 50different breakfasts, snacks, lunches, and dinners, desperately trying to getmy two incredibly picky eaters to eat something. ANYTHING! 

I am exhausted from picking up and putting down kids. 

I am beat from chasing around a child who stole my lipstick. 

I am stressed from trying to catch eve as she tries to jump off or the kitchen table for the tenth time. 

These two seemingly innocent sleepers are chaos causers. 

They keep me on my toes. 

They keep me in shape. 

They keep me young and age me at the same time. 

But when I finally get both of them to sleep, I find myself wishing they were awake.

To hear chloie say "I love you, honey" one more time today. 

To see Evelynne's smile again as she dozes off. 

I can't wait for bed time most days. 

But as soon as it comes I can't wait for the morning. 

For chloie to run into my room and jump on my bed yelling "the skies awake! The skies awake! Mom! See the sun ate the stars!" 

Or For Evelynne to be wrapped around my leg as I make breakfast. 

And as worn out as I am I cannot, for the life of me, fall asleep.

My kids are holding still. They are snuggled up in my lap snoring.

And I love it. 

I don't want to sleep now, I'm enjoying the quiet perfection I'm witnessing. 

Sleep is overrated. 

Seeing the good

Little miss chloie has become her very own, unique, person. 

She is bossy, stubborn, smart, very vocal, sweet, and a little temperamental. 

Watching her personality blossom is so much fun. A little overwhelming at times but fun. 

She has become a backseat driver(red says stop! Turn here, no! not there, turn around) 

She thinks she's the boss (okay mom, go make you bed! And then make mine) 

She is a fashionista (oooo I love you tutu dress!) 

My favorite thing to see is her sweet side. She loves to give compliments. (Your hair is beautiful. I love your shoes. You're gorgeous...) 

I want my girls to be the kind of girls that compliment and lift others up. 

The kind of person I myself want to be. 

It is so easy to point out flaws and put people down. But, in my opinion, it is even easier to point out the good in people.

While I am hyper critical of myself, I choose to find something that I love about everyone. 

From their hair, or sense of style, to their ability to teach, or sing... Or whatever makes that person special. 

And I am thrilled that my three year old is already picking up on this. And honestly she's even better at it then I am!

She loves to tell random people how beautiful they are. She picks something they are wearing or even the sound of their voice and compliments them. 

She told a little old lady that she "loved her voice" the other day. 

I wish you all could have seen the look on that lady's face. Priceless. 

 

And the way she treats her baby sis, melts me everytime. 

She tells her things like "your eyes sparkle" and then gives her a kiss! It's the cutest thing I've ever seen. 

I must be doing something right..   :)

Ben

So I just realized my birthday is in 5days...

This year has been an odd one so far... I think I would have completely forgotten my own birthday if it weren't for my HUSBAND (that's right, Ben. My 5years in a row forgot my birthday husband) reminding me by asking what I want for my birthday and even taking time OFF from work.  

So not only did I get a dozen roses from Ben but he is "excited" (prepared) for my birthday...

I know right... Mind BLOWN! 

Honestly not even sure how to handle all of this... Niceness. 

I was fully prepared to ignore my birthday and maybe buy myself something pretty, as usual... But no... He's gone and made me feel special.

It's not even my birthday yet and I'm already overwhelmed. ;)

Everytime he brings up what he's getting me or where he's taking me for dinner I probably look like I'm in shock... Cause I sort of am... 

I'm liking this new semi-romantic-less-forgetful version on Ben. Definitely going to take some getting use to but I like it.. 

Can't wait to see what happens for our anniversary. ;) 

Ha.

"Mommy wars"

Is anyone else over this whole "mommy wars" thing? 

I feel like everywhere I look some mom is putting down the way another mom "mommys".

Whether it be the "you didn't breast feed?! Breast is best" Or "cloth diapering is better for your child and the environment" 

I feel like every move We make as moms is being judged and commented on. 

Why is that?

Does it matter if I chose to bottle and breast feed? Have a home Birth Or have an epidural? To use disposable diapers Or cloth diapers? 

Whether I co-slept or not, whether I do time out or not, whether bedtime is set in stone or more flexible... Those are my decisions. 

Why is it "wrong" to make holidays special by doing the 12 days of Christmas with goodies and fun activities or elf on the shelf? Or making heart shaped cookies for valentines? Or making all their food green for st pattys? 

Does the choice to make my kids feel special or make the holidays more fun really impact your life? 

I do not do the things I do as a parent to gain the approval of others. I do not do things to make you feel like you need to "keep up" or to hear how much better you are. 

I do them for me. 

And my children. 

I enjoy making homemade fingerpaints when we are bored. 

Doing chalk paint when the weather is nice.

And doing a thankful tree for thanks giving to not only teach my kids to be thankful but to give them something to look forward to. 

I want my kids to have the kind of childhood I did. I want them to remember frosting cookies for Santa, catching leprachons in the backyard, and staying up all night trying to catch a glimpse of the Easter bunny.

Isn't that every parents goal? To make their child's childhood something fun for them (and us) to look back on?

Everyone parents differently. 

There is not right or wrong way. 

We are all just doing we best we can.

So let's stop putting eachother down and start cheering eachother on. 

:)

Today

I thought today was just like any other, but now that the house is quiet and I've had some time to think.. today was something special. 

Not that we did anything spectacular. 

We had a visit with the doctor. 

Went to the grocery store. 

Ate lunch and did some yard work. 

But what made today special were those moments that passed in the blink of an eye. 

The moment chloie wished she was taller so she could see the fishies better. 

When Evelynne said "danks" (thanks) for the fist time. 

When Chloie grabbed Eves face and said "Ima kiss you baby" and planted one right on her mouth. 

When Evelynne found a forgotten toy in the yard and kissed it, hugged it, and carried it inside.

 Or when I hurt my finger pulling weeds and chloie kissed my owie better. 

Those little moments made today something special. 

Listening to chloie make a wish, hearing eve say something new, and watching them show love in the littlest of ways. 

 As a mom I'm always worried that I'm not doing enough. 

But days like today I can see that I must be doing something right. :)

~~~~love

Mom life

Lately my days have been filled with kids. 

Kids who kiss and hug. 

Push and hit.

Snuggle and love. 

Bite and chase. 

Giggle and play. 

Scream and cry. 

My life is in constant motion and filled with emotion. 

From chasing kids and trying to stay fit to kissing "owies" and "disciplining" toddlers.. 

Chaos rules my home...

 But so does love. 

After every tantrum (whether from my child or not) there is a hug that fixes everything, or snack that cures the grumpies, or a toy that ends the fit. 

For every up there is a down.

And just when I think I've handled all I can, one of these littles decides to hold my hand. 

With that simple touch: my worn out body, my shakey hands, and my exhausted heart all light up again with a new found strength. 

I pick up toys, scrub the floor, run the errands, and do all the chores... 

I wipe tears and messy bums. 

I scare monsters away. 

I fill sippy cups and wipe up spills.

And, on occasion, I make diet coke runs! :)

At the end of the day I stand in the door way, watching as my tiny terrors sleep, and wish that everyday could be just like this one. 

So That tomorrow I can help them ask instead of scream. 

To give kisses instead of bite marks and bruises. 

To help eachother up instead of pushing eachother down

So That tomorrow when they fight I can teach them to love. 

But even more I want tomorrow to be just like today so they can teach me to let the laundry wait so we can play. 

To dance in the flour they sprinkled on the floors. 

To sing at the top of my lungs, whether I sound good or not.

To giggle at nothing. 

To nap on the floor. 

To just be happy with out doing all of the chores... 

Today was a mess. 

And I hope tomorrow is too! 

~~~~~love

My kind of valentine. :)

I won't lie, valentines day is really no big deal around my house. (Kinda like my birthday, it tends to be forgotten). I don't really mind, normally. 

Ben and I spent our first valentines day at my grandparents condo in St George playing cards. So that should have been my first indicator that roses and chocolates weren't in my future, right? 

But for some reason every year I hope for some display of affection from my sweet hubby and every year I'm reminded that those things just don't happen to me. 

Now I'm not complaining, ok maybe a little, but the reality is: WE aren't the romantic type of couple. 

Meaning: even if he did something like bring home roses or sweep my off my feet, out yonder window, onto a valiant steed, and raced me off into the sunset.. I wouldn't know how to react. I might just laugh. Yep, I'd laugh.. 

I day dream about a Ben who dances with me and surprises me with diamonds but the woman in those day dreams is not me. I would giggle and be embarrassed if Ben tried to dance with me (we didn't even dance at our wedding) and I would feel sick to my stomach if he gave me diamonds (there are a million things I want more then diamonds so they seem like a waste of money...) 

And as far as my birthday goes, yeah sometimes I wish he would remember or throw me a party or get me a meaningful gift. But the reality is I don't like being the center of attention (which is probably a shock to those of you who knew me as a child). I would be more then happy if he said "happy birthday" when I woke up. (Which by the way has yet to happen once in the last five years, he forgets but it will happen one day, I'm sure of it :) ) 

So as wonderful as other women's husbands sounds with their extravagant gifts and big bouquets of flowers and expensive chocolates.. I like buying myself a gift (cause I know what I want so there are never any returns) and I like picking out my own chocolates. 

I am happy with a blissfully unaware husband who kisses me and tells me I'm beautiful everyday and not just because of special occasions. 

He is mine. In all his non-romantic, sarcastic, forgetful glory, he is mine. I picked him. Not because of all the things he buys me, not because he swept me off my feet, not because he's super thoughtful.. I picked him because he is sweet, fun, charming, handsome, hilarious, and perfect for me. He is my kind of valentine. :)

Plus he's a fireman so that's a plus! ;) 

Chloie's THIRD birthday!

Wow.. I'm a bit behind here aren't i?!
Our little chloie turned 3 on January 24!
Can you believe it?! I sure can't! I keep referring to her as my 2year old. It hasn't quite sunk in..

Can you believe how much this girl has changed in the last 3 years?!
Whitney and I took paisley and Chloie to see frozen for her birthday. It's fun to take chloie to movies now that she can sit still through them and her and paisley are a hoot! Chloie gets a little attached to characters and paisley was there to calm her fears ( "it's ok Chloie, Ana is going to be okay" ) they crack me up! 

So some fun facts about our little miss :
-Chloie loves ninja turtles
-she is constantly singing
-she can count to 20
-she can write all the letters
-she loves to do things by herself (like pick out outfits and get herself snacks)
-she loves her baby sister and gets upset when she's napping and not playing with her (generally she wakes her up just so they can play)

So, I neglected to take as many pictures as I normally would at chloies party (small gathering of family).

But Here are the few pictures I did take! 

This little girl is the best thing that ever happened to me! She made me a mommy! I absolutely adore her and I would not know what to do with out her!