The last Andrus :)

We are having another baby!!! 

Our last baby. 

And we could not be anymore excited! 

It took a long time for us to get here.

There were heart breaks.

It was a bumpy road. 

But I believe that everything happens for a reason. 

I believe that we struggled because I needed to fight for this baby.

We as a family needed to fight for this baby. 

The girls needed to be ready & excited about having another little person come into our family.

Ben needed to be just as invested in having a baby as me. 

& I needed to be 100% ready to have a baby & to give myself time to get over how hard the newborn phase was with both of my kids so that I can be ready to have a baby with my husband. 

To not be alone for the first 6 months again. 

To not be stressed out about playing mom & dad to a new baby again. 

Because this time Ben will be home.

 

I won't be alone.

& I have two little girls already eager to help feed, change, dress, love, & bathe their new baby brother or sister. 

I get to be excited this time! 

(Not that my other two little loves weren't exciting but the amount of stress that came along with them both was overwhelming)

And this time I can & will take pictures of our baby bump. I don't care who it annoys.

I didn't the last two times because I was uncomfortable with my body, I was worried about being compared to other pregnant people around me (again), and I was worried about annoying others with posts/pictures of something that is insignificant to them but means everything to me and my family.

This time I don't care. 

I'm pregnant and ecstatic about it! 

& I don't care whether I am bigger or smaller than someone else. 

I am going to enjoy this last little miracle. 

 

"Sweetie"

Today while listening to my kids play house with their dolls I heard the way I speak to them in the way the mom dolls spoke to the kid dolls. 

Things like "sweetie, if you don't stop talking for two minutes mommies head is going to explode" 

And "honey, get off of that table before you fall a crack you're head open" 

And "sweetie, if you keep throwing your toys they will break, do you understand me?" 

to be honest I'm a little relieved. 

They see me as the mom who calls them sweetie or honey when I'm frustrated. Rather then the mom who screams a yells to get her point across. 

I was raised in a home where the louder dad/mom got the more trouble you were in. 

I knew I was in for it when I heard my dad shout "Kelcey Kae Fowlks, get your butt in here now!!!"that was the point in which I chose to hide most of the time. ;) 

Yelling was something we did often in our home growing up, we are a loud family. 

Ben's family... Not so much. 

So our first year of marriage was a struggle, I'd get mad and I'd yell. He would get mad and go silent. 

It took a while for him to learn to talk when he was hurt or upset and I took me even longer to learn not to yell when I was hurt or upset. 

We have spent a lot of time over the past 6 years talking about what we want our family to be like, what type of parents we want to be, what type of communication is acceptable in our home. 

We've both chosen the positive aspects of our upbringings and applied them in our parenting. 

I chose to make a change, I don't want to yell at my kids (I have my days where it happens, I am not perfect). 

I don't spank/get physical with my kids when I'm upset.

I don't want them make choices based on how afraid they are of me/ or my yelling.

 Kids make mistakes.

It's part of growing up. And I don't feel like screaming at my kids til I'm blue in the face or  a spanking or a smack will do any one any good. 

Children learn more from your example then they do from you're words. 

The way I react to a situation is how they will act in the future.

Do I want them to scream at others for their mistakes? No.

Do I want them to be physical/violent with someone because they are bigger/stronger? No. 

So I have to be the example. 

I have to be constantly aware of how I'm feeling and how im showing it. 

And today listening to them play was like getting a small reward for doing things the way I believe is best. :) 

Evelynnes doll was throwing a fit and Chloies mommy doll said "honey, I know you're not happy but if you tell me what's wrong instead of screaming I can help you fix the problem." 

That right there was confirmation that they actually listen to me while in middle of tempertantrum. 

Parenting win! :)