Overwhelmed...

Can I just say "wow"... This past week is one I will not soon forget.
I felt an unreal amount of emotion from anger, to overprotective, to complete devastation.
For those of you who know me well know that I DO NOT handle death well.
But for some reason this last week I have had some explainable strength.

Possibly because of my best friend in the entire world. We have been together since day one and I plan on being there til the end. Seeing her heart breaking and her world falling to pieces turned me into the overprotective big sister. I would have done will do anything for her. If I could have fixed this I would have, if I could have taken her pain, if I could have stopped this all from ever happening, I would.
And it kills me that I can't.

It has never occurred to me that anyone from this family that has ALWAYS been there for me would no longer be there. That I would have to stand by and watch these people that I love and have always considered family suffer the way that they have.

I have never felt so helpless.

I could not stop my best friend from collapsing into tears right in front me, I couldn't stop her brother from falling apart, or her dad from loosing the love of his life.

All I could do is hold them as they cried, sit with them in silence, and hold Karen's hand as they slept.

I will never feel that I did enough.

I feel unbelievably blessed to have grown up with two moms. Karen will forever be in my heart.
I promised her that I would Always be there for Mackenzie. And I will be.

We also found out that my grandpa Fowlks has Acute Myeloid Leukemia , which is exactly what Karen had.
Imagine my reaction when my dad told me.
He started Chemo yesterday, a very mild form that will not be able to cure him but will hopefully give us more time with him.
I love my grandpa. I have so many memories, very few with out him. I grew up next door to him and I am so lucky that I have been able to spend so much time with him.
I will be spending as much time as possible with my grandpa and grandma over the next little while. I told him the other day that his life from now on is going to include me and my camera so he had better be prepared. I'm his new personal paparazzi! :) As if I wasn't already. I think he has gotten used to my picture obsession over the past few years. haha. :)


We also blessed Eve this week and I will be posting pictures of that later on. as of right now I need to try to sleep. I haven't slept more then a hour (if i'm lucky) at a time in the past 3 weeks.
I am my mothers child. Stress ruins my sleep and my appetite. :)